Panna Padipa - Blogs of BWB & CA

心犹如相续的河流，假如你无法运用你的修持来把握它的每个当下，你做的持咒，观想，念诵，禅修，乃至谈吐高超的见地，显现高超的行为，这些都是在浪费时间。


修行的本质并没有任何奇特的地方，它的实质就是反复的深入我们的心相续，并且改变它，否则，这个宝贵的人身会被浪费，你用一生的时间追逐自己的念头，执着它所创造的轮回，实际上，就是在梦幻中迷失自己而不自觉。


每天从细微的小处着手，不要奢望神奇的辉煌，看穿这些虚荣的把戏，仔细观察自己的心吧。即使在今生，你无法彻底转化你的心，你无法在证悟上取得多大的进展，只要你很小心的守护自己的三业，照顾自己的每一个念头，虽然你无法达到甚至是在睡眠中清醒，或是在重病还能控制自己的心，但是只要你努力的修自己每个念头，努力而虔诚的对待自己彻底的内在，而不是做外表的样子，那么，就好象曲吉旺波在《大圆满三要释吉祥王》中所唱的那样：“即使此生不成就，也内心安详真愉快。”为什么呢？从内在的层次，你已经转化了你的心，从而转化了你的生命，安详、慈悲、放下，已经展示出最大的成就。


成就分为外在的，内在的，秘密的，极其秘密的。就外在的成就层面，先是心智的成就，但是你虽然掌握了伟大的知识，了解了高深的见地，但是很不幸，它们就好象是在衣服上的补丁，终究会要脱落。例如，我们在健康的时候会感到很自在，而且我们拥有佛法的知识，这一切以一种良好的自我感来暗示：似乎我们是不凡的圣哲，但是，当你遇到重病的时候，你浑身火烧而陷入昏迷，仔细看你的心吧，它根本不受到你的控制，种种接近死亡的业相在梦中显示，即使你厌恶他们而不敢堕入昏睡，但昏迷会迅速将你击垮，哪个时候，你的任何才智，学问，都帮助不了你，于是，修行人应该知道，在重病中出现世俗乃至恐怖的持续梦境，这是修行的耻辱，甚至，这是闻思的耻辱，没有投入修行，或是表面的修行，这是镜子上的雾气，维持不了多久。


其次是验修的成就，当喜悦和光明产生，巨大的宁静伴随深沉的陶醉，甚至可以看到各色奇异的景象，并且能预先知道事情的发生，这些体验就好象对山谷大声叫喊一样，你努力的叫喊，它给你很大的回音，但是随即就消失了。假如你努力的修持，各种奇特的经验发生了，但是记住，这世界上的一切都不免无常，假如你想拥有这些体验，永恒的占有它们，那么，你就会经受好似捕捉水中的月亮一样的痛苦，它们根本就是无常，所以从验修的种种幻想中解脱吧，不企图占有它们，平等的看待它们，而不扰乱内在的心相续，哪怕是在广大的平等定见中，一切显现为不实际的五色烟雾或虹光，而能自在的穿越墙壁或是在岩石上按下手印，但将这些视为开悟的标志并产生我慢，这是着魔的开始，并因为我执而流浪轮回。


最后是广大的明智成就，这预示着我们平等的对待生活，安然的安住在广大的心性中，一切都成为庄严的自然解脱，于自心的智慧中，消除了执着和烦恼，慈悲并心胸宽广，生活之中任何的事物都无法搅乱这内在的明智，超越喜悦和悲哀，安然的任运于当下。


经由心的修持，我们经历各个不同的阶段，最终，我们的心成为空与光明的一味，任何恐惧或是希冀，都无法占据我们的心灵，这就是佛陀之道。

Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche

圣开法师答

问：

请示师傅，要怎样修治散乱的心？

答：

要修散乱的心，就要修不散乱。现在你们把眼睛闭上，手合掌，师傅现在就教你们修。这个时候你心里面什么都不想，散乱心就没有了。（数分钟）
好，现在眼睛睁开，师傅教你们的就是修禅定。你把这个杂乱妄想的心收回来，置心一处，无事不办，把这个心定在不动的地方，不动就是定，定了以后，智慧也就会生出来了。

但是修禅定最要紧的是要有觉，有很多人学佛修行，念佛参禅一辈子，他没有智慧，原因就是没有觉。所以我们把这个心定在一处以后，我们还要有一种觉观，觉照。觉就是你这个心不动，有一微尘飞过你都知道，那么这个定就差不多了。

谈到觉，假使你不但觉了自己的心，他方世界开了一朵花，都好像在你的手里边一样，看得清清楚楚，那么你就成佛了。

所以这个修法是很不简单，师傅这么简单就跟你们讲了，大家要珍惜。

Source: Xin Fu Wen Hua, Volume 30, April 2007 Series
Following Q&A by Missionary Chen Ming An, a dharma successor of Venerable Shen Kai (founder of Wei Fo Zhong, Buddhahood Sect/Buddha-Only Sect)

http://www.dailyzen.com/zen/zen_reading34.asp

The Mind Ground - T'aego

At the behest of the King, T'aego gave a brief outline of the basic principles of Zen:

There is something bright and clear, without falsity, without biases, tranquil and unmoving, possessed of vast consciousness, fundamentally without birth and death and discrimination, without names and forms and words. It engulfs space and covers all of heaven and earth, all of form and sound, and is equipped to function.

If we speak of its essence, it is so vast it embraces everything, so that nothing is outside of it. If we speak about its function... even great sages cannot get to the end of it.

This one thing is always with each and every person. Whether you move or not, whenever you encounter circumstances and objects, it is always very obvious and clear, clear everywhere, revealed in everything. It is quietly shining in all activities. As an expedient, it is called Mind. It is also called the Path, and the king of the myriad dharmas, and Buddha. Buddha said that whether walking, sitting or lying down, we are always within it.

Even Yao and Shun said: "Holding faithfully to the mean, without contrived activity, everything under heaven is well ordered." Weren't Yao and Shun sages? Weren't the buddhas and enlightened teachers special people? They simply managed to illuminate This Mind.

Therefore, since antiquity, the buddhas and enlightened teachers have never established words and texts as sacred: they just transmitted Mind with Mind, without any other separate teaching. If there is some other teaching outside This Mind, this is a deluded theory, not the words of the Buddha. Thus, when we use the name Mind, it is not the ordinary person's mind that falsely engenders discrimination: rather, it is the silent and motionless Mind in each person.

People cannot preserve this inherent Mind for themselves. Unwittingly they make false moves and are suddenly thrown into confusion by the wind of objects: they are buried in sensory experiences, which arise and disappear again and again. They falsely create the karmic suffering of endless birth and death. Therefore, the buddhas and enlightened teachers and sages appeared in the world by the power of their past bodhisattva vows. They use great compassion and directly point out that the human mind is inherently enlightened, and they enable people to awaken to the mind-buddha.

Your majesty must contemplate his own inherent mind. During lulls in the myriad functions of state, Your Majesty should sit upright in the palace, without thinking of good and evil at all, just like a golden statue of Buddha. Then the false thinking of birth and destruction is totally obliterated and the obliterating is obliterated, in an instant the mindground is quiet and motionless, with nothing to rest on. Body and mind are suddenly empty: it's like leaning on the void. All that appears here is total clarity and illumination.

At this moment you should look carefully at your original face before your father and mother were born. As soon as it is brought up, you awaken to it: then like a person drinking water, you know yourself whether it is cool or warm. It cannot be described or explained to anyone else. It's just a luminous awareness covering heaven and earth.

When the realm I've just talked about spontaneously appears before you, you will have no doubts about birth and death, you will have no doubts about the sayings of the buddhas and enlightened teachers- indeed, you will have met the buddhas and enlightened teachers. This is the wonder transmitted from person to person by buddhas and enlightened teachers since antiquity.

You must make it your concern: be careful not to neglect it. Be like this even when attending to affairs of state and working for the renovation of the people. Use this Path also to be alert to all events and to encourage all our ministers and common subjects to share together in the uncontrived inner truth and enjoy Great Peace. Then the buddhas are sure to rejoice.

- T'aego (1301-1382)
Taken from A Buddha from Korea: The Zen Teachings of T'aego, Thomas Cleary (1988)

--------------------------------

We no longer live in times where leaders ask Zen masters for guidance nor where true guidance is that easily attainable. However, to one who is sincerely trying to cultivate the "mind that seeks the Way" the tradition is still alive and worth finding. To understand how to maintain practice throughout one's daily life is the koan for many of today's students. That is at heart what T'aego is offering to the King in the excerpt above, how to realize Mind in everyday activities. Sometimes using language at all to communicate becomes the main barrier, then we have the language of ages past and the situation becomes more abstruse. In more recent times this same message was communicated in the following:

*

You can be your own sage. You can be your own teacher if you are a person for whom no task is worth losing the Way. No goal, no thing, nothing you are doing, is really worth throwing that awareness away for. No feeling that you have is as important as staying at that cool, clear center of awareness. If you are going to move like a fly buzzing around, or you are going to be oppressed by a thought or feeling that comes up, where is your love of the Way then? Where is your love of the Way when you are buzzing around? That is when you have to keep coming back and find it.

This takes a tremendous effort. A tremendous amount of energy is all that it takes the next time you feel that way. It is like pushing your way through to your second wind. The next time that you have a feeling oppressing you, stand up, observe and use every atom of energy you have to observe. Don't just sit there and let it push you to the ground.

To be that still, clear mind everyday is the only thing that makes life truly worth living. The rest is just gaining, winning, and losing. You should put every atom into living these principles -- to realize them, to see them, to use them.

Everything you do is from Blue Sky Mind. You don't run off with your delusions when they arise. You see them as clouds. You understand that which stays and that which goes. This consciousness that you have, the Blue Sky Mind observes all these states and sees them all clearly.

- Taken from unpublished manuscripts of Traceless Way





Returning to Blue Sky Mind,
The Monkess

http://www.dailyzen.com/zen/zen_reading0611.asp From the Record of Things Heard Dogen (1200-1253) One day a student asked: “I have spent months and years in earnest study, but I have yet to gain enlightenment. Many of the old masters say that the Way does not depend on intelligence and cleverness, and that there is no need for knowledge and talent. As I understand it, even though my capacity is inferior, I need not feel badly for myself. Are there not any old sayings or cautionary words that I should know about?” Dogen replied: “Yes, there are. True study of the Way does not rely on knowledge and genius or cleverness and brilliance. Because study has no use for wide learning and high intelligence, even those with inferior capacities can participate. True study of the Way is an easy thing. Even in the monasteries of China, only one or two out of several hundred, or even a thousand, disciples under a great Ch’an master actually gained true enlightenment. Therefore, old sayings and cautionary words are needed. As I see it now, it is a matter of gaining the desire to practice. A person who gives rise to a real desire and puts his utmost efforts into study will surely gain enlightenment. Essentially, one must devote all attention to this effort and enter into practice with all due speed. More specifically, the following points must be kept in mind: “In the first place, there must be a keen and sincere desire to seek the Way. For example, someone who wishes to steal a precious jewel, to attack a formidable enemy, or to make the acquaintance of a beautiful woman must, at all times, watch intently for the opportunity, adjusting to changing events and shifting circumstances. Anything sought for with such intensity will surely be gained. If the desire to search for the Way becomes as intense as this, whether you concentrate on doing zazen alone, investigate a koan by an old master, interview a Zen teacher, or practice with sincere devotion, you will succeed no matter how high you must shoot or no matter how deep you must plumb. “Without arousing this wholehearted will for the Buddha Way, how can anyone succeed in this most important task of cutting the endless round of birth and death? Those who have this drive, even if they have little knowledge or are of inferior capacity, even if they are stupid or evil, will without fail gain enlightenment. “Next, to arouse such a mind, one must be deeply aware of the impermanence of the world. This realization is not achieved by some temporary method of contemplation. It is not creating something out of nothing and then thinking about it. Impermanence is a fact before our eyes. Do not wait for the teachings from others, the words of the scriptures, and for the principles of enlightenment. We are born in the morning and die in the evening; the person we saw yesterday is no longer with us today. These facts we see with our own eyes and hear with our own ears. You see and hear impermanence in terms of another person, but try weighing it with your own body. “Even though you live to be seventy or eighty, you die in accordance with the inevitability of death. How will you ever come to terms with the worries, joys, intimacies, and conflicts that concern you in this life? With faith in Buddhism, seek the true happiness of nirvana. How can those who are old or who have passed the halfway mark in their lives relax in their studies when there is no way of telling how many years are left?” Think of those who gained enlightenment upon hearing the sound of bamboo when struck by a tile or seeing blossoms in bloom. Does the bamboo distinguish the clever or dull, the deluded or enlightened; does the flower differentiate between shallow and deep, the wise and stupid? Though flowers bloom year after year, not everyone who sees them gains enlightenment. Bamboo always gives off sounds, but not all who hear them become enlightened. It is only by virtue of long study and much practice that we gain an affinity with what we have labored for and gain enlightenment and clarity of mind. The most important point in the study of the Way is zazen. Many people in China gained enlightenment solely through the strength of zazen. Some who were so ignorant that they could not answer a single question exceeded the learned who had studied many years solely through the efficacy of their single-minded devotion to zazen. Therefore, students must concentrate on zazen alone and not bother about other things. The Way of the Buddhas and Ancestors is zazen alone. Follow nothing else. At that time Ejo asked: “When we combine zazen with the reading of the texts, we can understand about one point in a hundred or a thousand upon examining the Zen sayings and koans. But in zazen alone there is no indication of even this much. Must we devote ourselves to zazen even then?” Dogen answered: “Although a slight understanding seems to emerge from examining a koan, it causes the Way of the Buddhas and Ancestors to become even more distant. If you devote your time to doing zazen without wanting to know anything and without seeking enlightenment, this is itself the Ancestral Way. Although the old Masters urged both the reading of the scriptures and the practice of zazen, they clearly emphasized zazen. Some gained enlightenment through the koan, but the merit that brought enlightenment came from the zazen. Truly the merit is in the zazen.” The basic point to understand in the study of the Way is that you must cast aside your deep-rooted attachments. If you rectify the body in terms of the four attitudes of dignity, the mind rectifies itself. Students, even if you gain enlightenment, do not stop practicing, thinking that you have attained the ultimate. The Buddha Way is endless. Once enlightened you must practice all the more. Dogen (1200-1253) Excerpted from The Roaring Stream - A New Zen Reader Edited by Nelson Foster and Jack Shoemaker 1996 * One of the challenges to a life of practice is to protect and nourish the Mind that seeks the Way. In the beginning it is easy to have the intensity of Beginner’s Mind; everything is so fresh, so vital, so exotic sounding. Here, though, a student is questioning Dogen about his lack of attaining enlightenment, a feeling many in practice experience from time to time. Dogen answers by assuring him that anything you devote your energy to with intensity and sincere desire will over time bear fruits for your labor. Later on he answers more directly by stating: “If you devote your time to doing zazen without wanting to know anything and without seeking enlightenment, this is itself the Ancestral Way.” At some point in training sitting is just enough in and of itself; the “goals” of practice take more of a back seat. Meditation is just sitting in the lap of the universe and expressing your nature. All of us have our own genjo koans, or life questions that help to keep practice vital. To settle for answers to unanswerable questions dulls the mind and practice. To live with our questions each day, to see them in our lives, and to see them evolve into new questions keeps the practice “keen and sincere.” May your Way Be Clear, Elana, Monkess for Daily Zen

大通方广忏悔灭罪庄严成佛经

also named 大解脱经

url link :
http://bbs.ningma.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=9&ID=327&page=3





《大通方广忏悔灭罪庄严成佛经》
这部经文的缘起本身就极具殊胜加持力，感人泪下。它是我们的本师释迦世尊去娑罗树涅盘途中宣讲的经文。
释迦世尊临欲涅盘的时候，心中仍充满了对我们罪苦众生的极大悲悯，再赐净除罪障的方便，教令称念十方三世佛和菩萨名号以及十二部经名。



這部經文的緣起本身就極具殊勝加持力，感人淚下。它是我們的本師釋迦世尊去娑羅樹涅槃途中宣講的經文。釋迦世尊臨欲涅槃的時候，心中仍充滿了對我們罪苦眾生的極大悲憫，再賜淨除罪障的方便，教令稱念十方三世佛和菩薩名號以及十二部經名。另外，本經內容十分豐富：不僅宣講了懺悔淨罪的殊勝法門，包括參加修持的人數、天數和占夢的驗相等，還宣講了三乘是一乘、別相三寶、一相三寶、薦拔眾生的方便、無上空義、成就菩薩道的方便、佛的本生故事、對虛空藏菩薩的授記等等。經中講，此經比佛更難值遇。我們的本師釋迦佛曾經歷劫修行，供養無數諸佛，但僅僅得聞一次此經的名字，並未親眼得見此經。而後又經多劫修行，終於定光佛時得聞得見此經

這部歷史上曾僅存名字的經典，一百年前終於振落掉了敦煌藏經洞千年的塵封，它先輾轉飄零於異國他鄉，而後又在它的故土上與房山石經洞的藏經完整地會聚一處，最終在大悲上師三寶的覆護之下，漢地眾生從藏傳佛教系統又重新接續上了《大通方廣懺悔滅罪莊嚴成佛經》殊勝的無間斷的傳承加持，使《大通方廣懺悔滅罪莊嚴成佛經》的法門得到了再次的弘揚，無量的眾生將因此而證得解脫┄┄。每當想起所有的這一切，心中就湧起了對大悲上師三寶無限的感恩與思念┄┄。
感动涕零

Are we interested in exploring this amazing affair of ‘myself’ from moment to moment?


A somber day, isn't it? Dark, cloudy, cool, moist and windy. Amazing, this whole affair of the weather!

We call it weather, but what is it really? Wind. Rain. Clouds slowly parting. Not the words spoken about it, but just this darkening, blowing, pounding and wetting, and then lightening up, blue sky appearing amid darkness, and sunshine sparkling on wet grasses and leaves. In a little while there'll be frost, snow and ice covers. And then warming again, melting, oozing water everywhere. On an early spring day the dirt road sparkles with streams of wet silver. So—what is weather other than this incessant change of earthly conditions and all the human thoughts, feelings and undertakings influenced by it? Like and dislike. Depression and elation. Creation and destruction. An ongoing, ever-changing stream of happenings abiding nowhere. No real entity weather exists anywhere except in thinking and talking about it.

Now, is there such an entity as me or I? Or is it just like the weather—an ongoing, ever-changing stream of ideas, images, memories, projections, likes and dislikes, creation and destruction, that thought keeps calling I, me, Toni, and thereby solidifying what is evanescent? What am I really, truly, and what do I merely think and believe I am?

Are we interested in exploring this amazing affair of myself from moment to moment? Is this, maybe, the essence of this work? Exploring ourselves attentively, beyond the peace and quiet that we are seeking and maybe finding occasionally? Coming upon an amazing insight into this deep sense of separation that we call me and other people, me and the world, without any need to condemn or overcome?

Most human beings take it for granted that I am me, and that me is this body, this mind, this knowledge and sense of myself that feels so obviously distinct and separate from other people and from the nature around us. The language in which we talk to ourselves and to each other inevitably implies separate me's and you's all the time. All of us talk I-and-you talk. We think it, write it, read it, and dream it with rarely any pause. There is incessant reinforcement of the sense of me, separate from others. Isolated, insulated me. Not understood by others. How are we to come upon the truth if separateness is taken so much for granted, feels so commonsense?
The difficulty is not insurmountable. Wholeness, our true being, is here all the time, like the sun behind the clouds. Light is here in spite of cloud cover.
What makes up the clouds?

Can we begin to realize that we live in conceptual, abstract ideas about ourselves? That we are rarely in touch directly with what actually is going on? Can we realize that thoughts about myself—I'm good or bad, I'm liked or disliked—are nothing but thoughts, and that thoughts do not tell us the truth about what we really are? A thought is a thought, and it triggers instant physical reactions, pleasures and pains throughout the bodymind. Physical reactions generate further thoughts and feelings about myself—"I'm suffering," "I'm happy," "I'm not as bright, as good-looking as the others."

That feedback implies that all this is me, that I have gotten hurt, or feel good about myself, or that I need to defend myself or get more approval and love from others. When we're protecting ourselves in our daily inter-relationships we're not protecting ourselves from flying stones or bomb attacks. It's from words we're taking cover, from gestures, from coloration of voice and innuendo.

"We're protecting ourselves, we're taking cover." In using our common language the implication is constantly created that there is someone real who is protecting and someone real who needs protection.
Is there someone real to be protected from words and gestures, or are we merely living in ideas and stories about me and you, all of it happening in the ongoing audio/video drama of ourselves?

The utmost care and attention is needed to see the internal drama fairly, accurately, dispassionately, in order to express it as it is seen. What we mean by "being made to feel good" or "getting hurt" is the internal enhancing of our ongoing me-story, or the puncturing and deflating of it. Enhancement or disturbance of the me-story is accompanied by pleasurable energies or painful feelings and emotions throughout the organism. Either warmth or chill can be felt at the drop of a word that evokes memories, feelings, passions. Conscious or unconscious emotional recollections of what happened yesterday or long ago surge through the bodymind, causing feelings of happiness or sadness, affection or humiliation.

Right now words are being spoken, and they can be followed literally. If they are fairly clear and logical they can make sense intellectually. Perhaps at first it's necessary to understand intellectually what is going on in us. But that's not completely understanding the whole thing. These words point to something that may be directly seen and felt, inwardly, as the words are heard or read.

As we wake up from moment to moment, can we experience freshly, directly, when hurt or flattery is taking place?

What is happening? What is being hurt? And what keeps the hurt going?
Can there be some awareness of defenses arising, fear and anger forming, or withdrawal taking place, all accompanied by some kind of story-line? Can the whole drama become increasingly transparent? And in becoming increasingly transparent, can it be thoroughly questioned? What is it that is being protected? What is it that gets hurt or flattered? Me? What is me? Is it images, ideas, memories?

It is amazing. A spark of awareness witnessing how one spoken word arouses pleasure or pain throughout the bodymind. Can the instant connection between thought and sensations become palpable? The immediacy of it. No I-entity directing it, even though we say and believe I am doing all that. It's just happening automatically, with no one intending to "do" it. Those are all afterthoughts!

We say, "I didn't want to do that," as though we could have done otherwise. Words and reaction proceed along well-oiled pathways and interconnections. A thought about the loss of a loved one comes up and immediately the solar plexus tightens in pain. Fantasy of lovemaking occurs and an ocean of pleasure ensues. Who does all that? Thought says, "I do. I'm doing that to myself."

To whom is it happening? Thought says, "To me, of course!"
But where and what is this I, this me, aside from all the thoughts and feelings, the palpitating heart, the painful and pleasurable energies circulating throughout the organism? Who could possibly be doing it all with such amazing speed and precision? Thinking about ourselves and the triggering of physiological reactions takes time, but present awareness brings the whole drama to light instantly. Everything is happening on its own. No one is directing the show!

Right at this moment wind is storming, windows are rattling, tree branches are creaking, and leaves are quivering. It's all here in the listening—but whose listening is it? Mine? Yours? We say, "I'm listening," or, "I cannot listen as well as you do," and these words befuddle the mind with feelings and emotions learned long ago. You may be protesting, "My hearing isn't yours. Your body isn't mine." We have thought like that for eons and behave accordingly; but at this moment can there be just the sound of swaying trees and rustling leaves and fresh air from the open window cooling the skin? It's not happening to anyone. It's simply present for all of us, isn't it?

Do I sound as though I'm trying to convince you of something? The passion arising in trying to communicate simply, clearly, may be mistaken for a desire to influence people. That's not the case. There is just the description of what is happening here for all of us. Nothing needs to be sold or bought. Can we simply listen and investigate what is being offered for exploration from moment to moment?

What is the me that gets hurt or flattered, time and time again, the world over? In psychological terms we say that we are identified with ourselves. In spiritual language we say that we are attached to ourselves. What is this ourselves? Is it feeling of myself existing, knowing what I am, having lots of recollections about myself—all the ideas and pictures and feelings about myself strung together in a coherent story? And knowing this story very well—multitudes of memories, some added, some dropped, all interconnected—what I am, how I look, what my abilities and disabilities are, my education, my family, my name, my likes and dislikes, opinions, beliefs, and so on. The identification with all of that, which says, "This is what I am." And the attachment to it, which says, "I can't let go of it."

Let' s go beyond concepts and look directly into what we mean by them. If one says, "I'm identified with my family name," what does that mean? Let me give an example. As a growing child I was very much identified with my last name because it was my father's and he was famous, so I was told. I liked to tell others about my father's scientific achievements to garner respect and pleasurable feelings for myself by impressing friends. I felt admiration through other people's eyes. It may not even have been there. It may have been projected. Perhaps some people even felt, "What a bore she is!" On the entrance door to our apartment there was a little polished brass plate with my father's name engraved on it and his titles: "Professor Doctor Phil." The "Phil" impressed me particularly, because I thought it meant that my father was a philosopher, which he was not. I must have had the idea that a philosopher was a particularly imposing personage. So I told some of my friends about it and brought them to look at the little brass sign at the door.

This is one meaning of identification: enhancing one's sense of self by incorporating ideas about other individuals or groups, or one's possessions, achievements or transgressions, anything, and feeling that all of this is me. Feeling important about oneself generates amazingly addictive energies.
To give another example from the past: I became very identified with my half-Jewish descent. Not openly in Germany, where I mostly tried to hide it rather than display it, but later on after the war ended, telling people of our family' s fate and finding welcome attention, instant sympathy, and nourishing interest in the story. One can become quite addicted to making the story of one's life impressive to others and to oneself, and feed on the energies aroused by that. And when that sense of identification and attachment is disturbed by someone not buying into it, contesting it, or questioning it altogether, there is sudden insecurity, physical discomfort, anger, fear and hurt.

Becoming a member of a Zen center and engaging in spiritual practice, I realized one day that I had not been talking about my background in a long while. And now, when somebody brings it up—sometimes an interviewer will ask me to talk about it—it feels like so much bother and effort. Why delve into old memory stuff? I want to talk about listening, the wind, and the birds.

Are we listening right now? Or are we more interested in identities and stories?

We all love stories, don't we? Telling them and hearing them is wonderfully entertaining.

At times people wonder why I don't call myself a teacher when I'm so obviously engaged in teaching. Somebody actually brought it up this morning—the projections and the associations aroused in waiting outside the meeting room and then entering nervously with a pounding heart. Do images of teacher and student offer themselves automatically like clothes to put on and roles to play in these clothes? In giving talks and meeting with people the student-teacher imagery does not have to be there; it belongs to a different level of existence. If images do come up, they're in the way, like clouds hiding the sun. Relating without images is the freshest, freest thing in the universe.

So, what am I and what are you? What are we without images clothing and hiding our true being? It's un-image-inable, isn't it? And yet there's the sound of wind blowing, trees shaking, crows cawing, woodwork creaking, breath flowing without need for any thoughts. Thoughts are grafted on top of what's actually going on right now, and in that grafted world we happen to spend most of our lives.

Yet every once in awhile, whether one does meditation or not, the real world shines wondrously through everything. How is it when words fall silent? When there is no knowing? When there is no listener and yet there is listening, awaring in utter silence?

The listening to, the awaring of the me-story is not part of the me. Awareness is not part of that network. The network cannot witness itself. It can think about itself and even change itself, establish new behavior patterns, but it cannot see itself or free itself. There is a whole psychological science called behavior modification that, through reward and punishment, tries to drop undesirable habits and adopt better, more sociable ones. This is not what we're talking about. The seeing, the awaring of the me movement is not part of the me movement.

A moment during a visit with my parents in Switzerland comes to mind. I had always had a difficult relationship with my mother. I had been afraid of her. She was a very passionate woman with lots of anger, but also love. Once during that visit I saw her standing in the dining room facing me. She was just standing there, and for no known reason I suddenly saw her without the past. There was no image of her, and also no idea of what she saw in me. All that was gone. There was nothing left except pure love for this woman. Such beauty shone out of her. And our relationship changed; there was a new closeness. No one changed it. It just happened.
Truly seeing is freeing beyond imagination.

Toni Packer began studing Zen in 1967 with Roshi Philip Kapleau at the Rochester Zen Center. In 1981, she founded the Springwater Center for Meditative Inquiry in Springwater, New York. From The Wonder of Presence and the Way of Meditative Inquiry, by Toni Packer. Published by Shambhala Publications. © 2003 by Toni Packer.